DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
