He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
