That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
