sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
