If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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