By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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