also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
