So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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