Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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