last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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