Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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