Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
