I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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