After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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