He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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