I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
