Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
