I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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