Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
