living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
