i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
