peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
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