I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
