i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
