I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
