You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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