Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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