Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
