After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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