don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
