In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
