I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
And then he peed in my hair
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