I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
