Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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