You made me cry and you don't even care
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
