I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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