AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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