just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just pee around me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
