youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
