She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
