The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
