I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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