I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
