That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
