we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
