I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
