My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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