matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
