I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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