his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
