Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
